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Today is just going to be a recap of yesterday and today, and a short review - the two days have been a little emotionally ravaging. I'm catching up on blogs after I write this, and then I'm taking some down time.

Yesterday in my session at the Emily Program, we covered my various histories: family, health (both medical and mental), and relationship with food/shape/body. I talked extensively of things I rarely talk of with people: my long term body/shape/food issues (overweight since I was 5) due to unhealthy family eating habits, the rape in sixth grade, my subsequent weight gain (highest weight of 245) and depression, and the beginning of ED last summer. As you see, these are not light issues, and because I didn't really tell anyone about the rape for 5 years, it is still quite difficult for me to recount anything associated with it.

Last night, I woke up at 11 and I had a nice little bout of food poisoning. I have no idea what it was about. I may have mentioned it before - I HATE throwing up. Its one of my least liked things in the entire world. But last night I just woke up, grabbed the trash can, and bleh. And then I was up for a couple of hours. No fun. Today I was pretty dehydrated and I had a headache. I tried to go for a swim, but after about 15-18 minutes, I was wiped. That may have also had to do with the fact that I haven't been in the water for about a year. But anyway - I don't know what the food was about, because I didn't have anything yesterday that I haven't had for several days. Let's hope that doesn't happen again!

In the post from earlier today, I mentioned the Macalester student that died. I talked with some professors today, both of which had her in their classes - they suspect suicide. I know its not my fault in anyway, but I wish that I could have known she was having such a hard time. I wish I could have reached out more, maybe done something more for her.

This photo is from NM on the highway. Its one of the most beautiful pictures I have of it - it brings me hope - a double rainbow after a massive storm. I hope that Eileen's family has a rainbow in their future, and that Eileen is somewhere better, somewhere she feels there is hope.

My eats the past couple of days have not been exciting at all - cereal/banana/kefir/POM messes for breakfast (taken into work at 7:20 and eaten while stuffing envelopes), wraps for lunch with veggies and tofurky, and salads with something else (school meal plan uncertainty, anyone?). The only picture I have worth posting is ...This is actually from several days ago... not sure when!

I finally found a lone Chocolate Almond Kashi Crunchy Bar at my local WF!

I liked this one, but it wasn't my favorite. The almond flavor was very subtle - I would have liked a stronger almond flavor. The stats on these bars are fantastic though - 160-180 cals, 3-5g fat, and 8-11g protein. The only part I don't like about is the fact that the first ingredient it brown rice syrup - luckily, the sugars still aren't very high. These do contain soy for you soy-conscious folks (I'm not to worried). As far as flavors go, my choice for flavors go: Chocolate Pretzel, Cinnamon Coffee Cake, Chocolate Peanut, Chocolate Almond, and then Chocolate Caramel.

Mmkay. I'm out.

Love you all, and thank you so much for all your wishes. Although the past couple of days have been hard, knowing you are there for me has helped.

Emma