Another quickie at work!
Oh boy. That does sound rather dirty, doesn't it?
One of my new co-workers is rather attractive, but I'm not into younger men. Random though.
I have been trying to keep this blog as positive as possible - focusing on my successes, not my failures. However, over the past two weeks, I have 'slipped' into binging quite a few times, and I really feel guilty about it. Why do I keep slipping? I think I'm just emotionally freaked out about tomorrow (1st real meeting at Emily), and I restrict during the day, and then binge at night. I feel like although I've made some big steps, I've taken larger ones back, and that my eating is more disordered than ever before. For the past year, I've just restricted (never under 800 cals though), and now its just crazy. THIS HAS TO STOP. From now on, I am going to be more honest to you all, in order to keep my self in check. I feel terrible right now, and I want to not stress about these things - I want to focus on being happy, my new friendships (Anna!), and getting better, NOT how easily I slip back into unhealthy habits.
That being said, I did something today that I am very proud of - a 5k during my lunch hour, that was more than half running. For those of you who do not know, I was hit by a bus in 6th grade, and I have had major knee problems ever since. As in, after a qtr. of a mile or so, my right knee dislocates. I've been reading so much about everyone's love of running, and I've wanted to do it for so long... so today, I just did.
And it was great.
My knee is a little sore right now, but I'm on top of the world.
Racquetball tonight! I've never played, I don't know the rules, and neither does my partner. I think we are just going to hit things and stuff. I'm excited.
Have a great Tuesday, everyone!
Emma
11 comments:
Yeah, too low of calories is not a good set up for your day.
I've read an article where people who were placed on a restrictive diet of 1200 calories a day and ate 1/2 of those calories at breakfast were able to stick to the lower amount. I try to do 400 for breakfast (usually not hungry for lunch) 500 for lunch and 500 for dinner and that's all I've needed. I'm not hungry at all.
Have fun playing racquetball! My sister and I played when we were younger, didn't know the rules, but just hit it wherever and laughed and laughed!
Have a great day!
I'm so proud of you for running so far today, Emma! But at the same time, don't push yourself too hard, okay? You have to take care of that knee to the best of your ability. <3
As for the eating issues, I understand the feeling of desperately wanting to STOP binging. But I realized that I can't make promises to myself that I'll just stop, that this'll be the last time, that I won't do it again. You can't berate yourself for slipping up, okay? Slipping will always be a part of progress. But you slip up less and less as you go on, and soon you slip up almost never. Be patient with yourself, and kind to yourself. Try your hardest not to feel guilty; we all know how hard you're working to be better, dear. <3 Fight the urge to restrict during the day, and instead maybe try to eat a certain, "regular" amount at regular intervals of time.
And most of all, your blog should definitely be a place to be more honest. Not only to keep yourself in check, but also because it's supposed to be a place for emotional refuge--if you get my meaning.
Love, love, and more love. Be strong! <3
I've found that the best way to get yourself out of the binging cycle is to force yourself to adhere to a certain number of cals at certain times of the day at least for a bit. Your body might feel weird at first - you might have to eat when you aren't hungry and feel a bit more full than you'd like, but in time, you'll grow used to it. I eat a pretty hearty breakfast, and it's generally my largest meal. At first, it was a bit of s struggle to stick to the plan and make lunch and dinner smaller. Now, however, my body does this naturally. I crave carbs and fat in the mornings and am in the mood for lotsa veggies at lunch and dinner. If we get our bodies going on the right track, they learn to regulate themselves in a healthy manner.
That's been my experience, anyway, and although it hasn't helped with my food/calorie obsession, that's at least one less problem I'm having to deal with.
Best of luck, love! And I'm glad you're wanting to take more responsibility by blogging about it.
<3 Nell
I think the 'slipping' makes perfect sense right now. As you say, you're stressed out about your appointment tomorrow, AND you're adjusting to a new schedule now that classes are over. It's easy to internalize those stresses without realizing they're there until all sorts of odd behaviors start popping up! Sending you tons of support.
Hi love <3 Sorry you've been slipping. It happens, though. None of us can expect to be perfect all the time.
If you restrict, you'll eventually end up binging. It's a "message" from your body that it is starved and needs more food.
So proud of you for running! I had no idea you were hit by a bus though - wow! That sounds awful!
I am sorry you have been slipping. Just try not to get too down on yourself and start over. I am so proud of you for running today! I didn't know you were hit by a bus. I am glad you were able to overcome the knee pain and enjoy yourself.
Hey beautiful! Sorry to hear about your binges, but it's okay! Slip ups do happen to all of us and you will be able to overcome them. Just try not to deprive yourself of anything you want. Depriving yourself just sets you up for failure, and remember, deprivation also causes lack of nourishment as well!
I wish the best for you and I know you can get through this! You're a strong woman! I believe in you, so much.
Congrats on the run! That's awesome. Do whatever you need to that makes you feel good about yourself!
Love always,
Meg
I'm so sorry to hear that things are so stressful for you right now. But I think it's great that you're willing to be open and honest about it. There's absolutely no reason to hide or be ashamed of the ED, so I think opening up on the blog could really help you recover! Try your hardest to stay positive. You're an amazing person with so much going for you! Don't let the ED be what holds you back! :)
Congrats on the run!!! Such an accomplishment!
Congrats on the running! That's SO cool :) I am sorry to hear you have been struggling! Be completely honest! We are for ya girlie. Let me know if there's anything I can do.
<3 jess
xoxo
P.S Have fun at racquetball!!
I'm sorry that you're struggling with the bingeing... but like others have said, oftentimes restricting leads to bingeing. I know it's easier said than done, but an overall balanced diet is really the best solution for that.
I'm glad that you were able to enjoy your run!! Take it easy on yourself... try not to overdo it and injure yourself again. =O
<3 <3
I'm sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment- I agree with the other comments that the best way to lessen the urges to binge in the evenings is by fuelling up properly during the day. Not always easy to do, but maybe keep in mind the healthier goals you have will help.
sounds like a great run- and what an acheivement! I had no idea about the bus accident, but so pleased you aced it today! YEAH!
hope the meeting goes well!
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