A little more about me, and some foodie thoughts.

I have been thinking what I should post on this blog to give everyone an idea of who I am, and I decided to start with the beginning, with a little "Q&A" type thing, covering everything from my life growing up to college to my favorite color (maybe).

The pre-highschool years?
I grew up in southern New Mexico as the ONLY child in my family. No, really - I have about 7 aunts and uncles, but none of them decided to have children. My neighborhood was family friendly, but there weren't many kids of the same age for me to play with until I was in 5th grade. Because of this, I spent much of the time indoors and alone. I did have friends, and I enjoyed school, but when I was home, there wasn't much for me to do except read and snack. I was sedentary for much of my younger years, and my weight problems began when I was about 9. My one active activity was Tae Kwon Do, but I quit after getting my black belt in 7th grade because the teacher was abusive (in a mean sort of way). To compound matters, I was raped in the sixth grade, and I was terrified of telling anyone - in the next year, I gained even more weight. By the time I was in 8th grade, I weighed about 215 pounds. I ate healthy foods, but my parents didn't 1. limit them and 2. model good eating behavior (both of them are very overweight).

What was high school like?
I had a very hard freshman year. I didn't feel very connected my group of friends. I became obsessed with being perfect in everyway - except my body. Looking back, I think I tried to compensate with my poor body image in everything else. I made perfect grades, I was active in many of the 'nerdy' clubs (I was a math captain), and once again, I spent most of my time at home indoors, lying on the couch and watching TV. Sophomore - senior year got progressively better: I made a great group of friends, I kept perfect grades, and I became more involved my various activities. But... I was very depressed. My weight fluctuated between 215 and 230 all through high school, and I had very low self esteem. I never went on a single date through high school, and I constantly wished I was someone else, someone thin and beautiful. When I started applying to colleges, I found my dream school. I was accepted (no wonder - I was valedictorian, involved in many things, and I volunteered several hours a week). The summer before my freshman year in college, I wished and wished I would lose weight - I went on a backpacking trip to Greece. I thought that all the walking would do something, but I ate so much that I actually gained a couple extra pounds.

What is college like?
I LOVE my school. For anonymity's sake, I won't name it, but I love where I am more than everywhre I've ever been. I feel like home here. I have a wonderful group of friends, a strong GPA. I loved everything about my freshman year... except for the fact that all my friends are beautiful, and I always felt like the Fat Kid. I swore that I would change – but I never lost any weight. I finally just accepted the fact that I would NEVER be thin, never be beautiful. I ate what I wanted, didn’t exercise, anything. By the time spring semester rolled around, I was a size 16. For spring break, I went to London (a gift from a wealthy aunt – I would never be able to afford things like that!). It was then (and there) that I began to restrict. I was surrounded with beautiful people in one of the most fashionable cities in the world.

How has your ED affected you?
When I returned from London, I began to restrict… or at least I thought I was. I began obsessing about food, but nothing changed until I went back home for the summer. I got a job working on a ranch doing manual labor. I joined a weight loss site, and I began counting calories – I was eating less than 1200 every day. By the time I returned to school in the fall, I was down to 190 pounds. I joined the rugby team, started working out on our days off, and when I went back home for winter break I was about 160 or so. I was the smallest size I had been since elementary school, and I thought I was okay with my weight. But I was terrified that I would gain more weight, so I kept restricting, and kept exercising. I’ve lost another 25 pounds this semester – I’m down to 135 pounds. Several staff members on campus have confronted me, but I’ve ensured them I’m okay. I just can’t admit to anyone up here that I have this problem. I know that I’m a perfectionist, and so much of it stems from my desire to prove to people that I’m better than my body. But I’ve realized that I have a problem. I need help. And I’m finally getting worried about my body. I’m ready to take control of my life, my body, my mind.


What kinds of things do you enjoy?
Cooking/Food - even though I have an ed, cooking has always been therapeutic for me. I love taking raw ingredients and turning them into something new that I can share with other people. I love giving people homemade goodies - it usually involves smiles and hugs and wonderfulness.
I love nature. The picture on the left is a pic I took during a hike the summer between freshman and sophomore year - right around when my ed began. I love the feeling I get from being outside, in touch with the living earth around me.
Music is a huge part of my life. When I say music, it generally means things composed before 1920. My favorite composers are Beethoven, Mozart, Tchaikovsky, Shostakovich, Sibelius, Verdi, Schubert, and Brahms, but the list could go on for a while.

What are your favorite foods?
Even when I was little, I’ve liked my fruits and veggies. I love most veggies and most fruits – either steamed or raw. I don’t like them sautéed with butters or oils or sauces. Give them to me straight. In fact, my favorite food is steamed brocolli.. As I’ve said, I’ve been a vegetarian for many years – I’ve only just become a vegan. My favorite ‘cuisines’ include Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, Japanese… do you see the trend? My ‘non-asian’ favorites are Mexican and Italian – I like the challenge of veganizing things and making things healthier.


Favorites?
Colors? Greens, browns, blues, greys, and red.
Flowers? Daisies and lilies.
Veggie? Steamed Broccoli
Fruit? Apples and Strawberries
Movie? Too many to list!
Music? I’m a romantic/classical nerd – Beethoven, Mozart, Sibelius, Schubert, Verdi… I love them all.



On a random note: now that summer is on its way, I’ve been craving fresh, good, ripe fruit. Like this. I had this last summer, and it was delish! A big bowl of blueberries, strawberries, mango, and honeydew. Mmmm. Fruits.



And now for the daily stuff (today’s eats):

Breakfast was a pear, cereal/oats/strawberry/soymilk bowl (yum!).
Lunch was some Puffins cereal (the last of my Cinnamon and a few of my new PB ones), some strawberries, and two carrots).
Dinner was a great salad of spinach, mushrooms, carrots, two slices of beets, and a small bowl of Cheerios/Kashi Heart Healthy warmed with a little soy milk. Dessert was an orange.

I performed in Mozart’s Requiem tonight with my choir and an orchestra. I was starving afterwards – I had an apple, some vegan jello, a couple celery sticks, and some salsa (3 tbsp?). Now I feel really guilty – when I’m in my room in the evening, I have such a hard time controlling myself. I hope I can get this under control soon.

My mom is in town. Its both very nice, and stressful. My mom and I have a complicated relationship – I’m very close to her, but I think she suspects I have an ED and I’ve really had a hard time coming to terms with it. I have to spend tomorrow morning with her, and I’m really stressed about it. I hope I can get a good night’s sleep. I’m waking up two hours earlier (6 am) than she is picking me up (8), so I can work out and get some laundrt done.

Sweet dreams!